reflections on life | Reflections of A Summer Moon

Here’s a heads-up, this is one of those “personal” personal development post. One I wrote to pump myself up but figured maybe you could vibe with me on this one since I’m fully aware that we all feel “some type of way” every now and again…

I was up late for the past couple of days after an extremely exhausting week. This pissed me off because all I really wanted to do was sleep instead of toss and turn over unresolved issues plaguing my thoughts, heart, and spirit. I needed to deal with some truths about myself that I buried under busy work. And 2:00 in the AM was not the best time for me to deal with them in my opinion. Then again, what is the best time to deal with you?

Ever had those kind of nights?

So as I wrestled through my lack of slumber, many questions wrecked my brain. I pondered my next steps, cringed at the fact that it was now November and I still struggled with the same darn issues I swore I would handle at the start of the year, and briefly wondered if I just went along with things that didn’t feel ‘right’ to me would life be easier to bear. If I just accepted dilemmas that made me feel “less than” or conflicted with my values or even settled into the pool of fitting in (whatever the heck that really meant) so as to not deal with the consequences of having an opinion and my own reasoning which strayed away from the status quo, could I live with that? I concluded I couldn’t, and in the past I’ve committed more harm than good to gain freedom from self-induced oppression. I refuse to go that route again and hurt others by feigning a carbon copy of myself because I don’t have the courage to be the real me.

I discovered that despite myself (because what human is perfect) I am worth fighting for.

And I don’t have to entertain anyone who views me any different. In all honesty I temporarily forget that when I don’t have things in place that I feel validate my existence. But I supposed that is where I cling to faith and spirituality when nothing here on earth can calm the storms inside my heart. I am also blessed to have people in my life who slap me with an honest “girl get it together you’re beautiful just the way you are” followed by a “even though you can be very selfish” and a “oh yes, and greedy too she eats all your food” as they nod in agreement and hide their plates away…Oh friends

But what make it easier to accept their honesty is the fact that I already believe it to be true. I already believe in myself enough to fight for myself whether that be for reciprocity in love, healthy boundaries in relationships, or respect for my time and work.

If you can’t see yourself as worthy of love and respect no one else will and that is the good to honest truth.

So, in the words of Mary J Take me as I am or have nothing at all

Until Next time…

Flickr Credit: anna gutermuth

Flickr Credit: georgia.kral

If I had to take any one thing from this past week it would be that everyone needs someone to lean on. Ok, I did get that line from the movie Lean On Me, but the basic principles hold true. It’s ok to ask for help. We all fall short at times, and that’s ok no one is perfect no not one.

I do admit that I have a hard time asking for help.It’s not because I think I’m all of that and a pack of donuts, (far from it). As a matter of fact I know many successful business men and women are great because they have a great circle of trust around them and a great team of people who are probably more talented than they would ever hope to be. I guess I struggle partly, because of pride, and partly because I’m afraid of rejection. But when I’ve reached my human capacity for squeezing knowledge into my brain it’s time to remember my personal mantras by having the courage to be me, not trying to play superwoman, and asking for help. I sometimes have to tell myself to stop waiting until I’m driven into a corner to swallow my pride, while other times I just need to stop being a punk and woman up when I need an attentive ear or even a shoulder to cry on.

Just recently, I reached out to several women entrepreneurs that I truly admire, and felt I could trust to be patient with me. Mind you, because I know that women are some of the most taken advantage of entrepreneurs due to our giving nature. I do my best not to approach others trying to take advantage of their kindness, as I respect the trades of these women (we all have bills to pay). I’m grateful for their advice and taking time to offer me help. Because someone has helped me, I am more humbled and in a better position to show the same love they have shown me.

So, to those ladies and countless others, I thank you for your help.